Pick and Choose
by esompthin
Summary: Castiel's father gave him some very useful advice. He intends to put it to work. Unfortunately, it give his roommate, Dean, a very wrong impression - In which there is a lot of talk about sex, but no one actually has it. Destiel, for my good friend Anna's birthday!


Castiel's father was a very wise man. He was flawed, in the same ways that many people are. But there were certain things that he believed in deeply. And every time one of his children, for he had many, grew to the certain age of adulthood, he would sit them down and give them all the advice he believed they would need in order to survive on their own.

For Michael, their father told him to be more open-minded.

"You don't know what worlds exists beyond your own. Open your eyes, son!"

For Lucifer, he tried to convey the toxicity of living in the past.

"Please, just let go of your demons, and look towards the future."

For Raphael, he very carefully addressed the other man's superiority complex.

"Maybe you could just, how did Gabriel say it, chill?"

For Anna, he kissed her forehead and smiled.

"Don't be afraid to kick some ass."

For Gabriel, their father gave possibly the most important advice of all.

"Take the time to actually read the recipe all the way through before you begin cooking."

And when it was Castiel's time? The night before he was going to move out, head to college, start his adult life - what did his father tell him? What great advice was he given?

"Nothing." His father said. "I got nothing."

Cas blinked rapidly, shifting on his seat on the couch. The same couch where everyone else got their amazing advice. "I'm sorry, what?"

His father shrugged, "I only had enough advice for five kids. Sorry, bucko."

Castiel jumped up, his hands almost shaking. He had been waiting for this life-changing advice for _years_ and his father had _nothing_?! "No, nononono, you have to tell me something! Tell me about finances, or studying, or following my dreams, or - or! Or tell me not to worry so much! There's some advice! Say that!"

His father shook his head, "Nah. I don't have to give you any advice, Castiel. You'll do fine on your own."

"Father, please, guide me!" Cas was practically begging, his hands clasped together, his face turned upward to look at his father. "Tomorrow morning, I will leave this house forever - don't you have anything to say to me?"

It certainly didn't make Cas feel any better about himself when his father sighed loudly and ran a hand through his beard. "Okay. Okay. Fine. Sit down."

Cas sat back on the couch, waiting patiently for his father's wisdom. He held his breath. This kind of this was to be taken very seriously. His heart was simultaneously pounding and sinking lower in his chest with each and every passing second.

Finally, his father sighed, "Here's some advice. I'm not sure how much you want to hear it, though, but, just listen, okay?"

Cas nodded, watching his father with wide eyes.

"Be picky."

A small frown formed on Cas's face, "About what?"

His father took a deep breath, and then said, "Relationships."

Cas instantly stiffened. His previous partners were not ones that his father approved of. For one reason or another, his father hated every single person Castiel dated. He didn't like this one's clothes, hated how that one treated Cas, didn't trust this one for this reason, and flat out refused to let that one in his house. Cas wasn't sure if he was ready to hear his father talk about his tastes in partners anymore.

But no, he asked for this, the least he can do is listen.

"Okay."

Surprisingly, his father sat down next to him and said, "Look, everyone you dated before, that's fine, that's over. But now? Now you'll be in college. Now you're an adult. And anyone you date has the possibility of being your future spouse. You don't want to mess this up. You don't want to settle."

Cas shifted, this wasn't exactly what he was expecting. He nodded once and let his gaze drift away from his father's serious face.

"Make a list of things you want in a partner." His father said, ticking things off on his fingers as he said them, "Don't be afraid to sit them down and tell them your rules. If they don't meet them; or if they have a problem with what you want in life, don't waste your time on them."

Cas chewed on his lip, thinking. He _did_ tend to jump into a relationship quickly. He just liked being liked. There wasn't anything wrong with that.

"If they're not serious, don't give them a second thought." His father waved his hand and then smiled at him. "How's that sound?"

The boy shrugged and then nodded, "I mean… that's fair, I guess."

His father ruffled his hair and stood up, "You're going to do great, kid."

Castiel left for college the next morning. The entire two and a half hour drive to his campus, he thought about what his father had said. It did make sense. He was going to college to study; to learn and make something of himself. He wasn't there to party, he wasn't there to find the love of his life, and he _certainly_ wasn't there to sleep around. Cas promised himself that he wasn't going to look for love. He wasn't going to say yes to every cute person that walked by. He was going to focus on his studies.

Naturally, all of these promises to himself flew right out the window when he met his roommate.

* * *

Dean was a god in a teenager's body. He knew this. He had recognized how people looked at him; wantingly, appreciatively. He wasn't afraid to use his looks to get what he wanted. But when he came to college, he decided he was tired of being just a pretty face. He wanted people to see him for who he was. For his mind and his heart and soul.

 _Look past the freckles!_ He silently shouted at people more than once. It never worked. Why can't they hear his thoughts, dammit?

Anyway, Dean promised his little brother Sammy that he'd focus on his studies and become the best electronic engineer major on campus. So he was going to drop the womanizer act. He was going to study and be a nerd and get scholarships.

Naturally, all those promises were shattered when his new roommate walked in.

The guy was big, almost the same size as Dean, but held an air to him that made him appear small. Dean was drawn to him; watching him the first few days, simply because he didn't want to look away. The kid, his name was Cas, was obviously very smart. He spoke so elegantly, so poetically, that at first, Dean wondered if he was truely 19.

Dean _thought_ he was going to hate the kid. Sure, he was pretty, but he was the exact opposite of Dean. He was tidy where Dean was messy, he was confident when Dean was lacking, he was charming when Dean was whiny.

But then, Dean realized something.

He's. Just. Like. Sammy.

It was like a flip was switched. Dean grew to adore the way Cas's nose would crinkle at Dean's singing. Dean smiled every time Cas laughed. He found himself growing very close to the other man.

Dean wasn't exactly _planning_ on becoming best friends with his roommate; but he'd rather have them be helplessly co-dependant than hate each other. Afterall, they shared a room that was basically their house for the next two semesters. And your home should never be a stressful environment.

And it wasn't! The little dorm room that the two shared was perhaps the most relaxed place on all of campus. Until… something changed.

Cas started going on dates.

 _Lots_ of dates.

* * *

See, Cas was falling for Dean; fast.

From the second he walked in, he could feel something stirring there. He found himself rushing home after classes so he could tell Dean about his day. The boy was just, amazing.

Cas couldn't tell you what it was, per say, that had him captivated with his roommate. But he was. He adored the other boy. He was pretty, _very_ smart, and incredibly kind. Cas was going to write him off as a stupid jock, until he got to know Dean better. And the other boy admitted he actually never played any sports.

"Seriously?" Cas asked, leaning back in his chair.

Dean shrugged and drummed his fingers on his desk. "Yeah, seriously. I just, never had the time, you know?"

"What did you do instead?" Cas tilted his head, leaning forward in interest.

Dean smiled, "I was, uh, working, actually. All the time. Before and after school."

That was surprising, to say the least. Cas wouldn't go so far as to call Dean lazy, but he didn't expect him to be a workaholic either. "Why work so much, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well, my old man is horrible with financial responsibilities. I figured, if my brother and I wanted to live under a roof, someone would have to pay the bills. So," Dean waved his hand vaguely. It was clear there was more to the story. Much more, that Dean didn't want to share.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Cas said, leaning back to give Dean some space.

"What for?" Dean asked, squinting slightly.

Cas thought for a second, "The situation, I suppose. You were just a kid in highschool. You shouldn't have been put in that position, where you had to give up your life in order to work."

Dean didn't say anything, just watching him.

Cas took this as his cue to continue, "If I'm not out of line, I'd like to further express my opinion." Dean slowly nodded. "Your father should've done more. I don't know the full story; I don't need to. Your parents are supposed to take care of you; make sure you have a safe environment to grow. And by making you take on all, if not most, of the financial burdens, well… he failed you, Dean."

Dean looked away for a long time. He was scowling, but Cas could see the way his eyes were darting back and forth, deep in thought. Finally, the boy turned back to Cas and muttered, "You're from a privileged family, aren't you?"

Cas laughed. He's not sure why, but that question was funny to him. His small expression of joy broke the growing tension in the room and when Cas looked back at Dean, he was pleased to find him smiling as well.

"Something like that." Cas shrugged, smiling.

They had many more conversations like that. Sometimes going deeper into the abyss of conscious thoughts:

"I just feel like this part of my life, what I'm doing right now, doesn't matter. I feel like I'm _waiting_ for what I can do when I'm an adult. Give me five years, and then I'm ready! But this, right now? Is it even worth living through? Can't I just fast-forward, skip this time and get to the _good_ stuff?"

"Is life ever really _good_ , though? What happens if you get to five years from now and it's all just the same?"

"But it won't be. I'm sure that the only reason why I feel this way is because all I've ever known is work and school. If I was in charge of my own life, things would be different."  
"You're always in charge of your own life…"

These moments happen at night, under the cover of darkness. They lay in their separate beds and stare at the ceiling, watching how the shadows dance across the walls. They speak in soft voices, barely above a whisper, as they share their thoughts and discuss the great, swirling universe.

Sometimes they have very, very rudimentary conversations:

"But are zebras black with white stripes? Or white with black?"

"I think they could be both black and white with corresponding stripes. What's to say there aren't black zebras _and_ white zebras?"

"But what if a white zebra ends up with white stripes?"

"That would be albino."

"I like the way you think."

Those sometimes happen under the cover of darkness. But only because the two drank too much coffee before bed.

Regardless of the content, these talks grew to be Cas's favorite part of his day. He'd look forward to when he'd have Dean's undivided attention.

Cas wasn't exactly surprised when he realized that he had a crush on the other boy. He knew he was pansexual, and he never really worried much about if or who he caught feelings for. But this was different. This was _Dean_. Assuming that the other boy wasn't straight and did want to date him; it wouldn't be possible. Because they lived together.

And that was the problem. You can't date your roommate. What if things went wrong? That would just lead to a huge mess that would make everyone involved uncomfortable.

Besides. Cas was going to follow his father's advice.

He was going to be picky. But the only way to do so, he figured, was to see what was out there and choose the best.

So.

He went on dates.

* * *

Dean didn't care. At first.

When Dean walked in the room to see Cas dressed in a snazzy light blue shirt that made his eyes pop, Dean wolf-whistled playfully. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh, I have a date." Cas said, looking at Dean through the mirror.

Dean's smile tightened, "Really? Who's the lucky girl?"

"Her name is Megan. She's very… thoughtful." Cas chuckled to himself as he sprayed on cologne. Turning around and holding his hands out vaguely, he said, "How do I look?"

"Good. Great." Dean said, biting his lip. He awkwardly gestured to Cas's chest as he said, "But, uh, undo the first button or so."

Cas frowned, but did as he was told.

"Ehh, maybe another. Just for good luck." Dean's eyes watched as Cas's nimble fingers undid another button. "Yeah, that's - that's good."

"I must get going now." Cas said, checking his watch. "Don't wait up."

"Have fun! Make good choices! Use protection!"

When the door closed, leaving Dean alone, he wasn't upset. Honestly. It may have surprised Dean that cute little Cas had a date. But he wasn't _upset_ by it. Instead, he played on his phone and lazily got ready for bed. He didn't think much of it when the sun was sinking and Cas still wasn't home yet.

But that was only the first time.

* * *

The second time, Cas was walking out of the building as Dean was walking in. They stopped to chat.

"Hey, where you headed off to so fast?" Dean said, swinging around to watch the other guy.

Cas halted for just a moment, "I'm - late for a date."

Dean nodded, "Tell Meg I say 'hi'."

"Oh, it's not with Meg." Cas says, shrugging, "I'm seeing a guy named Benny. I'll be back late."

Cas rushed off before Dean could respond.

He blinked, watching the other man's retreating form.

So. Cas is bi? That's good information to have. The thought made Dean's heart stumble pathedically as he continued his walk to their room.

* * *

Naturally, Dean was curious how Cas' date with another guy went. But when he asked Cas about it, the other man seemed throughly uninterested. "I don't know if we'll have a second date. He was nice, though."

Dean struggled to understand this information. Cas appeared so flippant about who he went out with. And he was gone long after Dean went to sleep. And he, to Dean's knowledge, hasn't had a second date with Meg or Benny. Hell, there could be more than just those two, Dean doesn't know.

But these "dates" kept happening. And it was obvious to Dean what was going on. Cas was out having one-night-stands with half the campus, while Dean was promising himself he wouldn't be a womanizer anymore. Dean has outright rejected and denied such advances since he got to college, and Cas, who seemed so sensible, was out having the night of his life any chance he could get.

Dean growled at the door when Cas left for one of his dates, looking perfect as all hell. It was perhaps in that moment that Dean realized he was a little bit jealous.

* * *

Little did Dean know, that Cas never once had sex with any of the people he went on a date with. Yes, he stayed late into the night, but most of the time they just talked and occasionally drank. Hell, he didn't even kiss most of the people. These dates were as innocent as they could be. A lot of them actually felt more like a job interview.

"And that's what I'm looking for in a partner. I don't think it's too much to ask for." Cas would say, waving his hands in a 'finished' gesture.

"Yeah, yeah, I get that." They would say.

"But there is one last condition, I would say." Cas always brought this up last. He waited until he had the other person's full attention, and then he would lay down his last card; however the other reacted determined whether this was a winning or losing deal. "No sex until marriage."

He got many reactions to that one.

Flat-out laughter.

"You're kidding right?"

"But… this is college."

"I think we're done here."

"You religious or something?"  
"Oh, I can change your mind."

" _Suuure_ , hon."

Cas kept his face carefully blank as he confirmed, "I'm completely serious. If you want to pursue me, you have to do so without my _dick_ being your end goal."

People usually just stared at him, confused or annoyed. Cas would stand up and grab his coat. "That's my only condition. You have my number; text me if you want to continue this. If not; I understand - no hard feelings."

This is why Cas didn't get any second dates. He was strick to his rule and would firmly deny any further sexual action. The people in his college simply didn't want that. They wanted to have sex, maybe for the first time, and were surprised, disgusted even, that Cas didn't want the same thing.

Dean didn't know any of this; his assumptions were strictly guesswork. But Cas didn't mind. If they wanted to think of him as some kind of whore, he didn't care. His father said to be picky; that's what he was doing.

By denying the chance at sex, he was weeding out the weak; those who truly didn't care. It was actually kinda genius, if you ask him.

* * *

Dean finally snapped when he was talking to Charlie, a good friend of his from high school. The girl informed him that even she spent a night with Cas.

"But, but you're a lesbian!" Dean sputtered.

Charlie raised an eyebrow slowly, "...And?"

Dean could only scowl and change the subject.

Well, Dean wasn't going to be the only one who hasn't banged his roommate. This wasn't a moment of weakness or an excuse to get to see what's under the other man's shirt. It was an act of honor.

At least, that's what he told himself.

* * *

So, with shaking hands, Dean awkwardly leaned against his desk, crossing his arms. He shook his head and uncrossed them, leaning a hand flat against the desktop. He changed positions again, finding that one stupid, as he placed his hands on his hips. He scowled at himself, muttering curses, when the door suddenly opened.

Dean squeaked and whipped his head up to meet a curiously amused Cas. "You okay?"

"Good, fine, totally, yeah." Dean said, clearing his throat. "Um. Hey, Cas, buddy, I was, uh, wondering if, you, possibly, would like, I mean, want, I just-"  
Cas interrupted him, "Will you go on a date with me?"

Dean's mouth snapped shut. "Yes, yeah, sure."

Cas smiled, his shoulders visibly relaxing. "Okay, cool."

"Cool." Dean watched Cas from under his lashes, a shy smile ghosting his lips.

The two awkwardly stared at each other for a long, long moment. The only thing that interrupted them was Sam calling, and Dean excusing himself to answer it. When he came back into the room, having finished talking to his brother, the strange air around them dissolved and the two were back to their joking selves. Like nothing even happened.

But on the inside, oh, dear Lord, where both boys freaking out.

* * *

Cas mentally screamed at himself, ' _What are yo ?!_ ' Enough times to realize that maybe asking Dean out was a mistake. But, he was the only boy on campus that Cas was incredibly fond of; maybe he should give it a try.

But what if they got to the part of the date where everyone else left? What if Dean just wanted sex like every other person on campus? Could Cas be ask calm as he previously had been? Could he honestly say the 'If you don't want to continue, no hard feelings' line?

Things were fine between them now; why did he have to go and fuck everything up?

* * *

"You have a date with Cas?" Charlie was grinning, "Dude, that's awesome! Why do you look so stressed?"

"Because Cas has _never_ had a second date. With _anyone_!" Dean said, running his hands through his hair. "And I don't want that? I don't want to be another one-night-stand?"

Charlie nodded, "Okay, I understand. So just be honest with him. Tell him you want more than just sex or whatever."

"When? Before or after? Or during?" Dean asked.

"Definitely not during." Charlie grinned. She lowered her voice and mimicked Dean, moaning, "Caaas, we should do this again, you're so hot, Cas, I loooove you!"

"Stop! Stop! Shut up!" Dean hissed, his face burning. "That's not what I'd say!"

"Sure, Jan." Charlie shot him a condescending look. Dean flicked her nose. She whined, but continued a moment later, "Look, just when he goes to kiss you or whatever, stop him and tell him what you want. Relationships have to be honest. And the best thing to do is to have everyone on the same page _before_ any sexy times happen."

Strangely enough, Dean couldn't even imagine the sexy times happening. Cas just isn't like that. Well, he is, apparently. But maybe Dean isn't? Or Dean's image of Cas? Either way, he couldn't exactly imagine him and Cas getting it on like that.

* * *

Cas wasn't freaking out, yet. They were having a date. Like friends do. Like roommates do. They're just chilling at a cheap, but cozy, cafe. It just seemed like any normal night to them, except for the occasional soft touches and pink cheeks.

Dean was giddy as Cas started leading him back to their room. They didn't have Cas's normal Relationship Talk; mostly because he was distracted with all the other, far more interesting things Dean had to say. They laughed and joked until the workers kicked them out.

So they walked back across campus in the moonlight, their shoulders brushing and their knuckles bumping; talking quietly and enjoying the soft sound of crickets and cicadas.

The tension shifted as they entered their room and the door shut behind them. Cas looked to Dean and worried his lip. Alright. Here's where he lays it all on the line. Here's where he tells Dean his terms; his one rule. Here's where Dean leaves him.

It was a good night while it lasted.

"So…" Cas said as he took his coat off. When he looked back to Dean, the other boy appeared a bit uncomfortable.

"So." Dean repeated, his voice a bit tight. He took his own coat off, the sleeve of it getting caught on his arm. Cas stepped forward to help, but the other man took a step back, "I- I got it."

Cas raised an eyebrow, but allowed the other his space. After a second, he looked out the window. They had a pretty good view of campus. They could see a fountain where students liked to gather, and a long, winding path through the quad. It was very calming at night. Peaceful. It gave Cas the courage to say what he wanted to say.

When he looked back to Dean, the other man was awkwardly shifting from foot to foot.

"Did you want to-" Dean cleared his throat, "-your bed or…?"

Cas raised his eyebrows and said as slowly as he could, "I do not wish to have sex tonight, Dean."

"Oh thank God." Dean sighed, relaxing immediately.

Cas almost felt offended, "What?"  
"Well, I just, wasn't sure about this." Dean waved his hands vaguely.

"I see." Cas looked away, his heart twisting painfully. Well, might as well plow ahead, "I suppose, then, that I don't have to give you the usual speech."

Dean squinted, curious now, "What do you mean?"

"After all my dates, I tell them that I don't want to have sex until after marriage, and if they wish to continue 'dating', which none of them do, that they should text me. I never have a second date because they never want anything serious that doesn't include sexual intercourse." As Cas spoke, he watched someone walk down the pathway outside, unable to keep eye contact with Dean.

"So… you haven't been fucking half the campus?" Dean asked.

"No, of course not." Cas said, looking back to Dean, "Why?"

"Well, that's part of the reason why I asked you out."

"I asked _you_ out."

"Debateable."

"No, it's not."

" _Anyway_. This entire time, I thought you were doing the do with every person you went on a date with. I thought they were all one-night-stands." Dean explained.

Cas held his breath, "And now that you know the truth?"

"Honestly? I feel a lot less intimidated." Dean grinned, "Especially cuz that means you're single. And want something serious."

"Right…?" Cas wasn't sure he was following.

"Well, I've been told I'm pretty serious."

"Dean you're never seri - oh."

* * *

"Did you guys fuck?" Charlie asked, sipping on her smoothie. She snorted when she saw Dean's expression. "What? Was he, like, bad or something?"

Dean shook his head, blinking, "No, he- no, we didn't … _do that_."

"Why not?" Charlie pouted, "It sounds like the perfect opportunity. You obviously like each other. And, I'm guessing, you're both hot."

The question was one that Dean didn't have a direct answer for. Not at first, at least. He had to think about it. He took a long sip of his smoothie; buying his time.

"Dean?" Charlie's voice grew concerned, "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I don't really…" Dean hesitated, setting his smoothie down. He glanced over at the strangers passing by. They all were lost in their own worlds; going on with their day as if nothing was wrong. And maybe nothing was wrong? He wasn't sure. Charlie waited patiently, her brow furrowed. Dean sighed as he started again. "I don't exactly ... _specifically_ want to ... really… have sex with … Cas."

Charlie sat back in her chair, pursuing her lips. "Why not?"

"I just … don't?" Dean shrugged awkwardly. "But I really like him. Why don't I want to fuck him? Do I even _really_ like him? Or do I like that he likes me? I don't- it doesn't- _help_ me!"

The ginger held up her hands, chuckling softly, "Woah, okay, okay, deep breaths!"

Dean huffed, hiding his face in his hands for a second before he looked back at Charlie, "What is _wrong_ with me?"

"Nothing! You don't _have_ to have sex with Cas! There's no rule saying you do!" Charlie smiled, resting a hand on his arm, "and sex doesn't correlate to love. You can be perfectly in love with him and not want to touch his dick once."

"I- I didn't say 'love'!" Dean's cheeks turned red as Charlie laughed at him. "But how do I show him I like him if we don't do the dirty?"

"Is that really what love is to you?" Charlie sounded almost condescending.

Dean shifted in his seat, "I guess not…?"

"Honey…"

Dean felt dirty now. He looked away, his hands growing very cold. With a sigh, he fell deep into thought. Charlie recognized Dean's Thinking Face and chuckled under her breath. She set a hand on his shoulder, gaining his attention for a moment.

"Don't worry so much, Dean. You'll figure it out."

* * *

Strangely enough, there wasn't a whole lot to figure out. They just didn't have sex. And they barely had intense make-out sessions. No, instead, they were far more lingering with their touches. They fell into something gentle and warm.

Once they were in their room alone together, the two were always in one another's laps. Not making out, just reading or watching TV, or holding each other. Cas liked to have his hair petted. Dean liked hiding his face in Cas' neck. They found strength in being in the other's arms.

They found other things to do naked instead of have sex.

Cas's favorite was painting Dean's back. Dean didn't mind it. The paintbrushes tickled, and the weight of Cas' on his back was soothing. His boyfriend wasn't the best artist, but they would make a night of it. They'd light candles (which was against fire code, don't tell anyone), and turn on music on it's lowest volume. They'd relax on the floor as Cas pulled out his paints and gently tugged Dean's shirt off.

He always painted the universe. For some reason, he adored making Dean's freckles turn into stars. Dean just liked the chance to relax under the other's touch. But his favorite part was when his boyfriend started humming along to the music; slow and quiet. Dean could listen to that all day.

Dean's favorite thing to do was give Cas full-body massages. The other man would coo and whine softly as Dean worked the knots out of his tense muscles. Usually, they did this when Dr. Sexy was on TV. Dean could watch his show and let his hands move up and down Cas' body while the other man quietly relaxed.

And, of course, they were both _very_ fond of sharing showers. Their neighbors probably thought they had a lot of shower sex, but that wasn't the case.

No, they'd take turns cleaning one another and washing each other's hair. They'd laugh and chat and sigh under the warm spray of water. Not once did the thought of sex cross their minds.

They simply didn't need it. Nor did they really want it.

For them, this was enough. And, if things kept progressing; then maybe someday, after they're married, they might share a night together under the sheets. But for now, simply sharing a bed and _sleeping_ was perfect.

So, yeah, Cas followed his dad's advice. He was picky.

He just so happened to pick the right one.

* * *

Tell me what you think!


End file.
